Yesterday I post a video on youtube and someone leaves a comment under it: “you have no right to separate her from her mother; you are a bad person; you should stay away from animals..” It is not in the same words, I forgot the exact words, yet I remember the sound of it; and what it meant was pretty clear.
I reported the comment as a “misinformation”. I do not know how youtube will handle it; maybe it will erase the comment or maybe it will stay there.
This feeling when you get accused of something you did not do, whereas in fact you were trying to do the complete opposite of what they blame you for, this feeling is not new to me. The very same thing happened to me various times. It happened when I was a kid in primary school, in high school, in university etc etc. Not only by strangers; one of my own family members did it; a couple of my friends did the same thing and by this they left a huge scar within me; later one of my students did it; boss, colleagues, etc.
What is the main reason for this? What causes them to accuse me for something I would never do and where in fact I would do anything I can in order to make sure that the complete opposite of that situation is maintained?
I found my possible answers. I am responsible for this bad magnet energy. I could track it back all the way to my own subconscious beliefs. Now, that is a long, long story. I am not sure if I should ever share it or not.
I also found a way to make sure it never happens again. If I ever succeed in this new “way”, a slander-free fair life, I should certainly explain the method to others. When will I decide that I finally got rid of this curse? Now, that timing is in a real obscurity. How long should I wait? Do I have that much time to live? What if I die before that? etc., etc.
When I went out to feed the cats on the street today it was not 8 am, or 10 am; it was noon till I could get to them. Because I had to take care of the animals in the shelter: Ponçikhane which is not a legal shelter yet, can’t be, because in order to fit into the legal rules of building a shelter one has to have tons of money; it is almost impossible for animal care givers like me.
We hardly have any food for ourselves. All we have we share with these animals.
Here in Turkey, as a result of 20 years long akp regime, people can not buy food for their own kids, not to mention animals!
It is in our culture to share what we have with street animals but most of the country became poor in these recent years. People go through real tough living conditions.
As a result of these tragic times now the street animals are in danger. It is not only the insufficiency of food we have to find creative solutions to, but also the animals’ rights are in danger. People started to kill and torture these animals.
There is a new law: according to this there will be no animals left on the streets. Yet there are only few shelters. Most of them are not even shelters; they are built only for the rehabilitation process of these animals; they have no room for long term accomodations of these animals.
If I can catch back with the point I was trying to make written on several phrases above, it is the noon time I could finally feed these cats on the street, not the morning. Until this hour of the day I worked non-stop. I gave food to the cats in Poncikhane, I cooked chicken and liver for them. I cleaned the sand boxes, all the plates, etc.
I had no time for my own breakfast. I had also nothing to eat for the breakfast. I can’t have anything. Because I am an artist, painter and also a retired university teacher who could not stand the bullshit and the hypocricy of the people I had to work with both in university and in the art scene. When they wanted to work with me I always found a way out; when I had to work with them in order to survive in this world, most of them did not want anything to do with me. I do not deserve this society’s comforting means for financial or other type of support I guess.
I do not deserve to have a safe and secure life.
That’s probably the reason I feed animals these last 10 years. This is why I could not go to any vacation these last 13 years. And finally this is probably why I am always accused of doing something I never did; trying to do the complete opposite of.
Do I care? Do I have any tears right now that I am trying to hold within?
No. I am fine, I am strong and I would choose to do the same mistakes (if they were mistakes) again and again and again and again ……